Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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