If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
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and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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