I CAN MOONWALK!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
