I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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