Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
