i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
