Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
