You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
