this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
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He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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