He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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