just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
