When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
