I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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