I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
