Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
