My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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