she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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