if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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