I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
