yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
