Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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