Say something about gay babies.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
