Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
