This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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