If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
