I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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