oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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