I puked a lego.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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