The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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