I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
