WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
