Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
