Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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