He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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