I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
