Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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