No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
