So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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