I wish I could teleport
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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