I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
