my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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