We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
