Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
