They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
