i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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