I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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