i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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