dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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