none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
