you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
