just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
