I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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