Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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