"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
