okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
