I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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