Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
