It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
nutella sex= disaster
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
