The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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