i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
