some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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