New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
