Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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