I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
