your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
