So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
