he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
