After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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