plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
