Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sext me about skeletons
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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