He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
