I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
